


Just a Bunch of Hocus Pocus

by mrswellrested



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Halloween, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18995587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrswellrested/pseuds/mrswellrested
Summary: When Tony believes he's cursed, McGee and Ziva decide to prank him. A Halloween inspired one shot with a little bit of Tiva thrown in.





	Just a Bunch of Hocus Pocus

"I dated a witch once."

Ziva looked up from her book to find Tony putting a disk into the dvd player. She cocked an eyebrow at him as he came to sit next to her on the couch. "You dated a witch?" She questioned, not believing the words that just came out of his mouth.

"Well she was actually Wiccan. She called herself a witch though. It was an interesting relationship, but it didn't last long. I drew the line when she asked me to come dance naked in the woods with her coven under the full moon."

Ziva snorted and put down her book "What brought this on?" She asked as she looked at the title screen of the movie that just appeared on the television. "Hocus Pocus?" she read, throwing a questioning look at Tony. "What is this?"

"Hocus Pocus is a 1993 Disney classic starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy as a set of witches trying to achieve youth and beauty by sucking the souls out of children. It's a movie that airs on tv every year around Halloween."

"I thought you hated Halloween," Ziva said as Tony hit play on the menu.

"I do," he answered. "But I don't hate the Halloween themed movies. Speaking of Halloween, we have to watch the Halloween movies."

"I thought this was a Halloween movie?"

"No, I mean the Halloween movies with Michael Myers. You know the guy in the mask that murders people with a knife? Come on, Ziva, you must have seen one of them?"

She shook her head as a young boy, who suspiciously looked like a younger version of McGee, ran across the television screen. "I've never heard of them. I do not watch horror movies, Tony, or many movies in fact." She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes now glued to the tv.

"Oh, sweet cheeks, that's about to change," Tony laughed, kissing the top of her head.

* * *

"Gear up," Gibbs said the next morning as he walked into the bullpen with a coffee in his hand. "Got a dead sailor inside an abandoned house."

Ziva watched Tony groan and grumble as he grabbed his gear. The pair had been up late the night before. After Hocus Pocus had ended, Tony began to play the Halloween movies. They were up until one in the morning before they decided to get some sleep.

"Got something to say, DiNozzo? Gibbs asked as he led the team to the elevator.

"No, boss, just tired that's all," Tony answered.

"Well maybe you should go to bed at a normal time instead of staying up all night watching movies with Ziva," Gibbs said with the slightest hint of a smirk on his face.

"How did you-nevermind, you're Gibbs, you always know," Tony said as the elevator doors closed.

The abandoned house where their body was located was way back in the woods just outside of Fairfax Virginia. They had to park the MCRT truck just off the main road and hike down an old trail carrying all their equipment just to get to the house.

"Is it even safe to go inside? It looks like it could fall any moment," Ziva questioned as she eyed the dilapidated two story house in front of him. Nature had reclaimed the home. Vines and moss covered the sides of the house. There was even a small tree growing out on of the glassless windows.

"Don't have much of a choice, do we," Tony sighed as he watched Ducky and Jimmy follow Gibbs inside the house. They watched as the state police left the building and walk back down the trail. "Better get in there before we get yelled at. You coming, Probie?" Tony called back to McGee as he brought up the rear carrying the most gear.

"Why did I have to carry this all? You could have helped," McGee groaned, nearly dropping everything he was holding out of exhaustion.

"It's to build character," Tony responded as he made his way towards the house.

"Don't worry about him," Ziva said as she shook her head and grabbed some of the equipment McGee was carrying. "I think you have enough character."

They followed Tony into the house and nearly fell over when they ran smack into Tony's back. "What are you doing? Move," Ziva hissed as she regained her balance.

"Uh, boss, is that blood?" Ziva heard McGee ask.

She thought that was a very silly question. They were at a crime scene, of course there was going to be blood, but then she saw what McGee was referring to. In front of them was their dead sailor, his once white uniform was now stained red from the single stab wound through his heart. He was laying on the ground in the middle of a large pentagram drawn in what indeed looked like blood. All around the room there were black candles that had long been extinguished.

"We've seemed to have stumbled up a satanic ritual," Gibbs sighed. "Tony, McGee, bag and tag. Ziva, pictures and sketches."

"No wonder the state police seemed so happy to hand this one off to us," Jimmy said as he handed Ducky the liver probe.

"It's freaky," Tony said as began bagging evidence. "I mean, none of it's real though."

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked as she took pictures of the body.

"Magic and all. It's not real. You don't think it's real, do you?"

"I think...there are things in this world that cannot be explained," Ziva answered slowly as Ducky announced the time of death to be three in the morning.

"The witching hour," McGee commented as he taped a bag of black candles shut.

"Drop it, McSpooky," Tony grunted as he picked up a black leather book from under a chair. "What's this?" He asked turning it over as Ziva came to investigate. On the front of the book was an upside down pentagram with the worlds "Book of Shadows" stamped underneath.

"I think you found our murderer's spellbook," Ziva said, taking a picture of it.

Tony barked with laughter as he opened it. "It's just a bunch of hocus pocus," he quoted the movie they had watched the night before. "Look, there's spells for putting someone under your control," he laughed as he flipped through the pages. "Curses for your enemies, love spells, this witch has it all." The then stopped, mouth agape as his eyes grew wide as he looked over the first page of the book. "Uh...I think this is cursed."

"I thought it was just a bunch of hocus pocus," McGee mocked.

"But what if it's real? I mean, look at my odds here. What were the odds of me getting the plague? What were the odds of my car getting blown up? What were the odds of us getting sent to a black ship and coming off it alive?" Tony argued as he thought back on their time on the Chimera. "Lady luck isn't exactly in my favor."

"What does it say?" Ziva asked curiously, looking over his shoulder.

"Beware, to those not of the craft, the reading of this book is forbidden. If you choose to proceed further, you will surely suffer at the hand of the craft. You have been warned," Tony read.

Ziva watched Gibbs roll his eyes. "You're not cursed, DiNozzo. Come on, bag and tag it."

"Yes, boss, you're right. I'm not cursed," Tony said confidently as he dropped the book into an evidence bag. "It's all a bunch of hocus pocus." Right as he was sealing the bag, there as a soft thud that came from the floor above them.

The four agents drew their guns as Ducky and Jimmy grew quiet and quickly, but quietly took the body out of the house. Ziva could see nervousness in Tony's eyes. Maybe he really thought he was cursed. There was silence after the thud and the sound of something moving towards the stairs. They all braced themselves only to find a black cat rushing down the stairs. It stopped in front of Tony, hissed, and then ran out of the house.

"See, I am cursed," Tony exclaimed as he holstered his gun. "The cat was a sign."

"It was a coincidence," McGee sighed.

"Rule 39, probie, there is no such thing as coincidence."

Ziva rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "Tony, you are over acting."

"Reacting. It's over reacting, Ziva. And I don't think I am."

"DiNozzo, if you say you're cursed one more time, you're going to wish you were cursed," Gibbs grunted. "Get back to work. There's a lot here left to document."

"Right away, boss," Tony sighed as Ziva and McGee smirked to each other.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" McGee whispered once Tony was in a far off corner of the house.

"Prank him and make him believe he is really cursed?" Ziva suggested.

"Yes! And I have the perfect plan."

* * *

Even after Abby (who happened to actually know a lot about witchcraft thanks to some of her friends) had reassured him that there was no possible way he was cursed, Tony was still paranoid. Ziva watched him jump every time a file cabinet drawer snapped shut or every time someone dropped something on their desk. He was constantly looking around as they to make sure nothing was going to creep up on him. She sighed and finally walked over to him. She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulder.

"You are not cursed," she said in his ear. "We watched some creepy movies last night and now they are getting to you along with this case."

Tony sighed and leaned back into her chest. "You're right," he said softly. "I'm overreacting. Nothing's going to happen to me."

"That's right," Ziva grinned, kissing his temple quickly before standing up straight. "Come on, Gibbs is going to be here any second."

"I'm already here. What did I tell you two about keeping it out of the office."

"Sorry, Gibbs," Ziva apologized.

"Won't happen again, boss," Tony said standing and walking to the tv screen.

"What do we got?" Gibbs asked as the team gathered around the tv screens to go over what they found out on their case.

It was dark when Gibbs finally sent them home to get some sleep. As they parted ways in the parking lot, Ziva and McGee exchanged smirks. They would be putting their prank into effect in just a few hours. Ziva got into her car and followed Tony back to his apartment.

"More Halloween movies and Chinese tonight?" Tony suggested as they walked into the building together.

"Of course," Ziva answered, checking her watch.

"Late for something?"

"No, I just do not think we should stay up too late tonight. We're working a case after all."

"Fair enough. We'll just watch one movie before bed then?"

"Perfect."

After Tony ordered them food, he went to the bathroom leaving Ziva alone in the living room. She sent a quick text to McGee and told him of their plans before Tony came back.

"I think we should watch Friday the 13th. It fights right in with the slasher flicks we've been watching," he said, flopping down on the sofa next to Ziva.

"Sure," Ziva agreed, kissing him gently before he stood to grabbed the movie from the shelf.

* * *

"You know what to do, yes?" Ziva asked McGee after she let him into the apartment. It was two-thirty in the morning and Tony was fast asleep. Ziva had slipped out of bed to let McGee inside.

"I got everything I need. I'll be quiet," McGee said, holding up a cloth shopping bag. "I'll set up real quick and then I'll start...Ziva? What if he pulls his gun?"

"He won't. He's service weapon is locked up," Ziva confirmed, nodding her head to the lock box on the self in the living room. "And I made sure he didn't have any backups readily available."

"Okay. I just didn't want to get shot," McGee said and then smiled. "Okay, I'm going to set up. You better get back to bed before he realizes you're not there."

Ziva nodded and tip toed back into the bedroom and shut the door. She crawled back into bed quietly and began to pretend to sleep, her head resting on Tony's chest. It felt like hours before McGee began the prank.

There were three knocks on the bedroom wall. Ziva knew McGee was in the coat closet on the other side of the bedroom wall. She kept her eyes closed as McGee knocked three times again, causing Tony to stir from his sleep this time.

"Ziva?" He whispered. "Ziva?"

"Mmm what?" She feigned sleepiness.

"Did you hear that?"

"Did you just wake me up to ask me if I heard something? Obviously I did not. Go back to sleep. It was just a dream."

"Are you sure you locked up."

"Yes, I am sure."

"Right...right...just a dream then," Tony sighed before falling silent once more.

After a couple minutes, McGee knocked three times again.

"Okay, tell me your heard that."

"What are you talking about? That knocking? Maybe someone's at the door. I will go check," Ziva sighed and got out of bed. She went out to the living room and to the front door. She opened to pretend she was looking out into the hall before closing it and returning to bed with Tony. "There is no one there."

"Maybe it's just kids messing around," Tony rationalized before laying back down. Ziva watched him close his eyes and start to drift off before the knocking came again ten minutes later.

"Okay, enough's enough," Tony grumbled before getting out of bed and marching out into the living room. "Uh...Ziva…."

Ziva could hear nervousness in his voice. She walked out into the living room and pretended to be shocked. There were several black candles lit and giving the living room a soft, but spooky glow. On the coffee table was a ouija board with a planchette that was moving on it's own.

"Oh god, Ziva, it followed me. The curse followed me!" Tony moaned as he began backing towards to bedroom door. "Do you have your gun with you?"

"What's a gun going to do against a curse?" Ziva asked, pretending to be just as nervous as Tony. "You should have never looked through that book."

"I'm sorry," Tony called out as though talking to a ghost. "I didn't mean it when I said it was all hocus pocus."

"Anthony DiNozzo, you opened my book," came a deep feminine voice from the kitchen. A cloaked figure stepped out into the living room, a dark hood covering its face. "You are not a practitioner of the craft. You have no right to our secrets."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to be cursed," Tony all but blubbered as he hid behind Ziva.

"Oh so you hide behind me? I thought you were all macho?" Ziva hissed.

"Yea, but you're a lot tougher than I am," Tony confused.

"You must bear this curse," the hooded figure continued. "Unless you do something for me and then I will lift it."

"Anything. Anything at all," Tony said quickly, popping his head up over Ziva's shoulder.

"You must carry all the field equipment by yourself for the next six months and never ask Timothy McGee to do it again."

"Wait? What?" Tony asked looking very confused as Ziva began laughing.

The lights to the living room were flicked on and the figure lowered their hood to reveal Abby. She was grinning as McGee stepped out of the coat closet. He walked over to the ouija board, picked up the planchet, and turned off the remote controlled wheels he had placed under it.

"This was all a joke?" Tony sighed with relief.

"Happy Halloween, Tony!" Abby exclaimed. "I didn't want to scare you, but Timmy said it would be fun, and well, it was!"

"I didn't know you were in on it too," Ziva laughed. "I didn't even hear McGee let you in."

"You knew too?" Tony questioned. "You were in on it."

"A lot of this was my idea," Ziva laughed. "I am sorry, but you wouldn't stop going on and on about being cursed."

Tony shook his head and fell back on the couch. "I hate to say it, McProbie…but you all got me good," he chuckled rubbing his hands over his face. All nervousness was gone and was now replaced with exhaustion and relief.

"So have you learned your lesson? I'm not going to be carrying everything by myself anymore?" Mcgee asked as he and Ziva began to blow out all the candles.

"Yea, yea, I'm sorry," Tony responded. He sighed again and looked up at the three of them. They all grinned at him as he groaned. "Have I mentioned how much I hate Halloween?"


End file.
